Koozie: Variety Pack


SKU: SK1812-1 Category:


Picture this. Out of nowhere, three friends of yours pop over to see how you are doing after that horrible break up you just went through or to celebrate your new puppy or to watch you test fire your new dildo gun. Whatever. People came by, that’s the point here. Three of them. Remember that part.

So, at some point, you say, “Hey, you guys want a beer?” And of course, they all say yes, especially Jim who is a functioning alcoholic and has been waiting for you to offer him one. You open up your fridge, and you see one can of delicious beer. Its some of that beer snob stuff. It’s like oatmeal, double chocolate, American barley wine with a touch of Belgian fruit lambic and caramel tones that was aged in old coffee barrels and brewed by Star Bellied Sneeches on the tops of Mount Shambala. The good shit.

You also have three cans of Bergie Light that your room mate’s friend left over there the other night. You’re not drinking that. No way. So how do you pull this off? A Sofa King Koozie variety pack! You slip the bad beers in a Castle Times, OG Logo, and Arrow Design and hand them out on the sly. Then, you put your caramel dopplebock triple stout IPA badness into the Gary Coleman Kooze where everyone can see it. Now, they think they have the same beer, and they are happy, happy, happy. Jim saw you do it, but he’s not gonna rat you out because he drinks gutter piss just to stay loaded and get through another day in an uncaring universe, and he’s just happy for any buzz he can get. So, yeah. Good thing you bought the Sofa King Koozie variety pack!

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